“When I am gone, remember me with smiles and laughter, as that is how I will remember you. But if you should remember me with tears and sorrow, I may not remember you at all.”

Sorry I've not been on here much, as I've been so busy at present. 

The inevitable happened yesterday; I suppose I've been trying to brace myself for a few months now, but I lost my dog. He was 15, thought he was 2 and my best friend. We grew up together from Day 1. 

Yesterday I was devastated, I just cried and cried for him and today I cried too. But I suppose I've been optimistically thinking about it. He was old, in pain and he struggled to hold himself up sometimes, he had toilet issues and it was better to do it now, before he got worse. But I wish he hadn't been taken away from me. 

Our last moments together were so special. He layed next to me and we had the biggest cuddle, I didn't care whether my school coat smelt of dog, or whether I'd get in trouble for it. I knew that our moments together were far and few, but I didn't expect that when I went, it'd be the last time I'd see him. I'm just glad that I had such a lovely cuddle with him before it happened. 

Writing this had made me cry again and I've tried to not cry- but everytime I think of a happy memory, it makes me sad again. My emotions are fluctuating like a rollercoaster, one minute I'm okay, and then the next I  just want to bury myself in a hole. 

Life can be so cruel and sometimes I wonder why we're all here? We all end up 6 feet under and when we do, it causes sorrow and tears. But it's good to grieve for those we've lost, crying is a funny thing and emotion. Perhaps tears represent our saddness leaving our body, as we remember beautiful memories. Some of us don't cry, some of us just sit there in silence. Silence can be good too. Silence can be comforting as well as awkward. 

I'm not really sure what to conclude today; I just wanted  to write something and suffice to have any form of conclusion really.