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Saturday 20 August 2011

Carpe Diem

Things are starting to hit home recently, and whilst I've opened up to my emotions and my inner thoughts a lot more than normal, I'm equally feeling like I'm crumbling inside.

Shadow is a very special pony to me, and I think this is it. There was never any pressure to get the job done, I did it at my own accord, on my own account and things went well. I came home happy, smiling and looking forward to the next weekend. If I had been able to have him here near me, who knows what we could of done.

Obviously situations and people change, it's unforeseeable and I'm not very good with change, I don't like change, I can't adapt to it well- I just pretend I can. I've had to adapt to the change and through it met a beautiful mare who I really DO like. I suppose I do love her and care a lot about her; I feel my hands are tied in more than one way than another. I'm at a yard where I am 'having fun', but not happy. I don't enjoy being there because I feel pressurised to join in, and then I feel I need to ride the mare and meet the guidelines. It's these little things which are really starting to make me worry about what will happen in the future. Whether I genuinely DO need a break from horses or whether I should make the situation work, and just remember my principals which stuck by me even when I wanted to give up with Shadow. For some reason, I am just giving up now.


It's times like this when I could go and see the piebald pony and he'd sit there and listen. He'd wait around and we'd do it at our own pace and not meet the deadlines. We didn't care about being the 'best' or going to a show, or even riding. We just seized the day- carpe diem.


I think we all go through this in life. We don't really know what direction we're taking, we suddenly begin to have to grow up. I start 6th form in two weeks time, and I'm worried about ti. I'm worried about failure in all aspects of life and I'm scared. My fear is becoming rage, and I don't know what's happening to me right now. I feel like I'm living a big lie, I feel over emotional. Gone are the days of having fun. Suddenly everything is so daunting.

I'd give anything, and I mean anything, to be sitting with Shadow right here, right now and talking things through. Just to be comforted by the simple fact that I can enjoy life knowing that I have this amazing little pony by my side. No major issues, no major guidelines or deadlines. Just bumbling along at our own speed.



Tuesday 26 July 2011

''Wasting talent''

I feel so many of us are under pressure to produce results, be the best and show something for our work. Whilst this is nice; sometimes it seems to have counter consequences- sometimes instead of driving people to strive for more, people begin to question whether or not they are talented or capable enough to unlock their horses potential.

I think if we have that sort of attitude, we then put ourselves in the frame of mind that we will never be adequate enough to produce any horses potential. Why do we feel like this? What is it that causes us to feel this way? Is it the militant youtube pages which seem to promote teens with these 'inspirational' stories of how they rose from rock bottom to the top with their horses, sometimes I wonder if they are using their description as a pair of rose tinted glasses to fool the many gullible followers; whilst it is admirable that they persevered etc; they also make some of us feel like we're incapable, if our horses or more so ourselves, struggle to 'produce' we have failed and wasted our horses talent. I feel this is unfair because does your horse really care whether or not he's got a bloody rosette attached to his bridle? Or whether he's the county champion or the trailblazer champion or whatever you want him to be? Does he? Or is it us who wants that? Like the pushy parent who thinks their child at the age of 2 wants to be a beauty queen and wear high heeled and more make up than Katie Price.


I think that this is so sad, that we feel inclined to behave in this way. Once we begin to pressure ourselves, we pressure our horses, sometimes this can have bad reactions- especially if we are struggling already. I know this full too well, when I expect too much and I push us both into overload when we both explode- whether it is through fear, anger, confusion or a combination of it all.

We want to enjoy our horses yes and we don't want to be unhappy in our lives, but equally we don't want to make ourselves feel inadequate and incapable because we aren't producing in the show ring- so what? Have something else to show- small achievements, small steps which all add up to make big steps, and a long lasting relationship with the most nobel, loyal and gifted animal ever to walk the planet. Accept his flaws, work on them and work on yours; accept that he may not be winning in all the comps or even going to any, but that he's the most wonderful thing you have encountered and you have him to yourself to enjoy and love.


Don't ever be made to feel little or that you need to give up. Be strong and take it slowly...


It's not the destination which counts; but the journey.

Saturday 23 July 2011

Respect... but do both sides play fairly?

Something which is constantly drummed into us by professionals is to have our horse's respect. If he barges- it's disrespect. If he stomps, it's disrespect, if he bites, it's disrespect.

I had an incident the other day where I caused my horse to get very cross with me and she reared up on me in protest. It was scary and I said 'No' but it wasn't until afterward that I thought what did the no achieve but WHY did she rear. Well thanks to some fantastic advice it became clear her rear was through her anger with me and she was simply telling me to be a little clearer and more consistent. It's made me think now about consistency and frustration and linked into these behaviours which so many of us call 'disrespect' and being rude. It strikes me though, the lack of education which horses are exposed to, everyone seems to assume horses know the rules and if they don't 'are reminded' but how many of us spend time on these crucial rules; if we put them in place, and we get them usually, should we punish on the one day they may forget the rules or tell us we're doing something wrong? No, we shouldn't. I don't think it's fair to reprimand them for it; instead we should be bettering ourselves and being self-critical; instead of blaming our other equine half. For example, I'm sick and tired of the prejudice that each breed suffers; ''Oh he's naughty because he's a stubborn cob. He bolts because he's a TB/Arab'' I can't help but think, STOP MAKING EXCUSES! We make so many excuses to push the blame away from us and it's not fair and it's not right. If your horse refuses a jump; don't smack him, perhaps consider you've unbalanced him? Or perhaps he doesn't want to jump?

I feel we are told we have to instill respect into our horses, well all animals in general- horses are strong and yes dangerous, but they don't want to hurt us, unless scared of course; they respond on instinct and they are horses at the end of the day; they need to express themselves, instead of suppressing them with straps and gadgets. We talk very much on them respecting us; but do we respect them? Do we respect their right to an opinion- the moment they tell us they aren't happy through an evasion, they will get strapped up, ignored or told off; we usually excuse ourselves from it too... oh he's had all the checks... must be being naughty. Or your instructor says it's not you... well okay I'm going to be naughty here and say 90% of instructors don't even know what they are looking at, just regurgitating the letters of the arena and some sequences to ride... hardly anything special, are they? Or they are blinded by their own ignorance and cease to see the error of the rider.


So I've got a right bee in my bonnet over this and think this subject shouldn't be taken lightly. I think it's about time we start showing them some respect; it's like some horses don't want to jump really; so stop making them? They don't like it, so stop doing it. Just as you wouldn't want to do a certain thing, nor do our horses; it's not the bee all and end all of life. Start understanding his feelings and life from his perspective. How would you feel, having someone get on your back, tell you do these things and then demand your respect; yet fail to show you some in return?

The Piebald Diaries- Summer 2011

Well this year has certainly turned out to be quite the opposite of what I'd planned, dreamed of and hoped; I sometimes ponder on whether things have worked out for the better; or whether I want things to go back to how it was.

Transport to see Shadow has always been the biggest barrier which has always been the biggest issue; but we coped, until we got the most unforeseeable news that our yard was closing down and we all had 3 months to find somewhere, this came as a blow and devastating as I wondered what the future would hold. To cut a long, and boring story short; Shadow got moved even further away from home and there was nothing I could seem to do; except offer to buy him which I can't afford. So I thought we'd cope, evidently we've struggled and I've only seen him 3 times since the beginning of June and to put it nicely; it's pretty shit.

Whilst I thought summer was over and I was pretty much horseless, something came along and certainly picked up the pieces... her name is B, and she's a wonderful, skewbald mare, who's also a baby, at just 4 years old. I was at first skeptical and wasn't sure whether or not I'd go through with it, but she's now been moved to the yard next to home and we're getting to know one another, my biggest problem is me at the moment; I think I've got so many emotions running high at the moment that I fail to see the bigger picture and appreciate how wonderful she really is. I compare her to Shadow and sometimes think she knows these things and then have to put myself back in line and tell myself to take it slowly, this isn't something which I've found easy and had to rely on some help from my friends on the clicker forum to guide me and advise me.


So I suppose life is turning out and taking a different route to what I anticipated. It's scary to think that in just over a month, I'll be in sixth form (hopefully!) doing my A-levels, my GCSE results are out in a month and I'm scared for that too. I hope that I can pull it off; we'll see. I'm wanting to make the most out of this summer, I'm 16 in just over a weeks time and I hopefully can get myself a job and earn some money. I'm scared though at what the future will hold :)


Something I've been learning, is that life is the most peculiar journey and most unpredictable thing; no matter how hard we plan and try to foresee, it doesn't always happen; the more we make plans and the more we 'prepare' ourselves for the future, the more likely we are to get hurt when it doesn't go quite so well. I'm not suggesting we 'never make plans' but I think it's dangerous to follow a set plan and do whatever we can to pursue it; sometimes it can lead to unhappiness and countering our gut instinct. Something about B made me want to follow it through and see her, and I must admit I adore her; Shadow is the most wonderful pony in the world for me and nothing will change that, but I have a new challenge and a new path which I've been put onto, I want to see the optimism in this and enjoy every second, as we never know what may be around the corner, and will spend the rest of our lives regretting it.

Monday 4 April 2011

Happiness is the ability to look beyond the imperfections

I think this weekend, I was feeling a little bit humbled but equally perhaps a little envious of my friend. I spent the day at her lovely small yard, with a school, stable, tying area and it all being compact and it was so so nice and I really envied that she sees her horse every single day.

I don't get to see Shadow that often and my parents are one minute fine about the yard and then the next pestering me about the distance and I feel shit because I feel that Shadow would be better off with someone more competent as a trainer, rider and horsewoman(or man) and can give him the consistency that would benefit him. Perhaps I'm being selfish, but I suppose you have to look at the benefits. I've been given this wonderful opportunity to care for a pony and he ensures his trust in me, and I feel that although our time together isn't as long as some, it's even more special.

I sometimes feel with the clicker training that I go two steps forward and another back, we make progress but ever so slowly, because of the lack of consistency and my lack of competency as a trainer, it sometimes is really demoralizing, considering I showed my friend what to do yesterday and already she is souring away, and already had great success with it. It's really good to see, because it's another horse and human who can finally have a great training regime, but it sometimes hurts, because you feel overshadowed a little.

But then you have to smile and remember that not everything in life is perfect. We all have these things we desire, that we forget about the things we currently have. I feel my relationship with my pony gets stronger ever moment together, and obviously I wish we were closer together, but unfortunately life isn't so straight forward, I could wish for so much more, but what I have is a wonderful pony who makes me happy :)



I need to sit down and really work out a training plan that works with our time frame, our ability and able to keep consistency, I've recently began breaking our day into three digestible chunks, of a morning clicker session, an afternoon one and a later afternoon one, with two hour breaks in between, so over a period of two days, it makes 5-6 short sessions.

Sunday 3 April 2011

“Some pursue happiness - others create it.”

I will try and keep up with my blog, I've been busy with the website, school work and busy with horses, so not really had time to dedicate to this!

Happy April, Spring is finally here and last night it was my first chance to sit in my garden, reading my book under the Magnolia tree. It was bliss.

Unfortunately, this weekend I didn't get much down time with Shadow. He's in the middle of losing his winter coat, as was Cassie, Luca and Lacey and so they were all absolutely shredding it like there was no tomorrow, it felt like winter again because of the sheer mass of white hair on the floor! I do like getting it off, it's a weird habit which keeps me remotely sane whilst questioning my own sanity from the perspective of someone who is looking in!

It also bought back some traumatic memories for Shadow. Last August we had a yard fire, and fortunately none of the animals were hurt, but our stables caught light in the middle of the night. Shadow was really unsettled by this and it was spent a few days being quite uneasy. Someone in the houses behind the woods obviously had a bonfire, and Shadow could see all the smoke and as I got him out the field, he reared and tanked off with me, he was snorting and breathing heavily, but he calmed down and settled into his new field nicely at the prospect of the lush Spring grass emerging, so was rather obliging!

I've not really clickered him much, I suppose we've been on a break from all intense thinking. He's been a star recently, he's been going out for hacks and particularly the one where I took him out for a good hour, it may not seem a lot, but for his maturing brain and body, it is still quite a task, with lots to think about and absorb, I don't want to overdo it. Also, I enjoy just unwinding in the field and really just laying back and relaxing. Although over Easter I plan to re-teach some old behaviours, which I feel will rust over if I don't consistently work on them. So I've got to bear that in mind before totally enjoying our break.

I'm hoping the weather improves so I can bath them! Shadow has a lot of dirt in his coat still from winter, and no matter how much I brush it, it needs washing out. I miss my clean pony! He was so clean last Summer.

Hoping to take Shadow out again over Easter, up to Shorne and perhaps he'll have his first canter, although I plan to do it in the school on the lunge first. There is no rush, patience is a virtue.


I think that I've learnt that no matter how hard you look for happiness, the less likely you are to find it, because you're looking too far away, because the real source of happiness is right there in front of you.

My pony means the world to me, he really does. He may not be aesthetically beautiful and ideal as some people expect or he may not be from a top bloodline. I may not be your next aspiring competition rider, nor do I ever aspire to be that, but what he gives me is so much more. Simplicity, Friendship and Understanding. Why would anyone ever disrespect something so compliant, so respectful and trusting. Why do people wonder why usually a human friendship with an animal is a lot stronger than that between two humans? There is no hang ups, no bitchiness and no dispute. It's subtle communication between two souls, and through simplicity, we have happiness.

Wednesday 9 March 2011

Life lessons from the Piebald Pony

I've officially had Shadow for a year, I'm feeling slightly humbled today, still reminiscing over the other weekends fantastic result, and looking forward to this weekend; when the sun will be out and I can enjoy my pony.
I'm not musically gifted; I can play a few notes on the piano, and I can't sing to save my life; but I wanted to create something to represent this year; so I decided I'd write a little poem of some sort. I've been studying so many variations of poetry at school recently, that I now know that it doesn't always have to rhyme! So enjoy; it's not perfect, but I'm going to try and put my humbleness and happiness into words!


 ''A black and white mane, that falls into place,
sticking up, all parted, partially covering a face
 with youthful eyes, which ooze years of wisdom
ears shaped from the stories he's told
a soft gentle muzzle, acknowledging his understanding
small little teeth, and a bright white blob
a pathway to his mind, full on purity and love
willingness and forgiveness,
his trust is mine
the piebald pony, and I.



I love my horse so much.