Well this year has certainly turned out to be quite the opposite of what I'd planned, dreamed of and hoped; I sometimes ponder on whether things have worked out for the better; or whether I want things to go back to how it was.
Transport to see Shadow has always been the biggest barrier which has always been the biggest issue; but we coped, until we got the most unforeseeable news that our yard was closing down and we all had 3 months to find somewhere, this came as a blow and devastating as I wondered what the future would hold. To cut a long, and boring story short; Shadow got moved even further away from home and there was nothing I could seem to do; except offer to buy him which I can't afford. So I thought we'd cope, evidently we've struggled and I've only seen him 3 times since the beginning of June and to put it nicely; it's pretty shit.
Whilst I thought summer was over and I was pretty much horseless, something came along and certainly picked up the pieces... her name is B, and she's a wonderful, skewbald mare, who's also a baby, at just 4 years old. I was at first skeptical and wasn't sure whether or not I'd go through with it, but she's now been moved to the yard next to home and we're getting to know one another, my biggest problem is me at the moment; I think I've got so many emotions running high at the moment that I fail to see the bigger picture and appreciate how wonderful she really is. I compare her to Shadow and sometimes think she knows these things and then have to put myself back in line and tell myself to take it slowly, this isn't something which I've found easy and had to rely on some help from my friends on the clicker forum to guide me and advise me.
So I suppose life is turning out and taking a different route to what I anticipated. It's scary to think that in just over a month, I'll be in sixth form (hopefully!) doing my A-levels, my GCSE results are out in a month and I'm scared for that too. I hope that I can pull it off; we'll see. I'm wanting to make the most out of this summer, I'm 16 in just over a weeks time and I hopefully can get myself a job and earn some money. I'm scared though at what the future will hold :)
Something I've been learning, is that life is the most peculiar journey and most unpredictable thing; no matter how hard we plan and try to foresee, it doesn't always happen; the more we make plans and the more we 'prepare' ourselves for the future, the more likely we are to get hurt when it doesn't go quite so well. I'm not suggesting we 'never make plans' but I think it's dangerous to follow a set plan and do whatever we can to pursue it; sometimes it can lead to unhappiness and countering our gut instinct. Something about B made me want to follow it through and see her, and I must admit I adore her; Shadow is the most wonderful pony in the world for me and nothing will change that, but I have a new challenge and a new path which I've been put onto, I want to see the optimism in this and enjoy every second, as we never know what may be around the corner, and will spend the rest of our lives regretting it.
No comments:
Post a Comment